I have never been a celebrity gossip fanatic, to say the least. Just about every story is the same generic piece, right?
(Celebrity A) was seen at (Semi-Normal Place) with (Celebrity B) doing (Semi-Normal Activity).
I can hardly contain my excitement. Maybe it’s because I have always associated gossip enthusiasts with bubbly teeny-boppers bouncing around the mall making absurd comments like, “Oh. My. God. Did you see Taylor Swift drinking her Mocha with whole milk? She’s sooo gonna’ die soon!”
Gag me.
Thankfully, my celeb-gossip connoisseur girlfriend has the inside scoop on the daily adventures of Hollywood’s elite. Every once in a while, she will drop me a story that doesn’t leave me feeling like J.R. Smith after an English exam. This morning, she read me a piece of an interview from US Weekly (I’m told that’s a magazine) where the following exchange with Lamar Odom happened:
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Kobe drilled another game winner (his fifth of the season) in Memphis last night; J.R. Smith had a few choice Tweets about Mr. Bryant; Cleveland is struggling (1-3) since pilfering Jamison from Washington; Paul Pierce is back… to crying about another nagging injury (thumb); and the Lakers are (still) running away with the West…
The NBA season is starting to pick up, and that means it’s time for another ridiculously long mailbag! Send me your questions, comments and anything else you want to rant about. You can email me, tweet me, Facebook me, or simply fill out the form below.
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Last Sunday, shortly before Kobe committed aggravated burglary in Boston (the highlight of my NBA season thus far), I remembered all over again how much I hate the Boston Celtics. Just the sight of Paul Pierce getting tangled up with Ron Artest right before tip-off evoked irrational thoughts of rage that should certainly have me at CVS picking up my Paxil prescription.
On Monday morning, I spent a solid hour reading every single pro-Boston panic column I could find. I just couldn’t get enough, “Trade Ray Allen”, “We blew the game”, “Kobe hit a great shot” references. It was like basketball porn – and those five words alone are creepy enough that I will not edit them out of this column. Like I said, I should be medicated.
All of my Celtic-hate fashioned a rather interesting question that I’m going to throw out there to all of you TLN’ers to hear what you guys think. Let’s say you meet someone, and after a few weeks, you realize that you’re really digging them. Around date number four or so, sports comes up and they lay the following on you:
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I talk an awful lot about overly emotional Lakers’ fans – primarily because I am a recovering one myself. If I were to create an F-Bomb Usage Chart that spanned the entirety of my life, it would look something like this:
Lakers Specific: 90%
Basketball Related: 7%
First Day of Wakeboarding: 1%
First Day of Snowboarding: 1%
That Time my Ex Tried to keep me from seeing my Dog: 1%
On Tuesday, I had a minor relapse, dropping a big F-You on Twitter in the direction of Lebron James’ and the Cavs. To those I offended, please accept my sincere apologies. While my anger may have been vented towards Lebron, it certainly had a lot more to do with the disappointing and deflating play of the Lakers.
Last season, a distinctly hungrier Lakers’ team met, and conquered, almost every single challenge the regular season placed in their path. Around this time, they were busy dominating a late-January road trip (6-0) that concluded with back-to-back victories over the Celtics (swept 2-0) and Cavs (swept 2-0). This year, well…
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I can be a superstitious person, but only when it comes to sports. I remember one specific occasion where I forced my self-absorption on the other ill-fated members of my family. During a game against the Mavericks back in 2002, I insisted they all wear Lakers’ gear before joining me in the living room to watch the game. By the end of the third quarter, I realized exactly why the Lakers’ were getting Snookied by the Mavs on National TV. My Mom was wearing a Lakers’ Van Exel jersey… and Nick the Quick was busy carving up the Lakers defense for the Mavs.
How could I have made such an unforgivable mistake? I sprinted to my room, grabbed a Magic Johnson throwback and demanded that she change immediately. My confused (and noticeably annoyed) Mom reluctantly agreed to swap jerseys. When she finally returned to the living room rocking the #32, the whole game had changed. In the end, the Lakers had mounted a 27-point rally in the fourth quarter to beat Dallas – the second greatest comeback in NBA history.
True story.
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I really enjoy watching a good love story (briefly pausing while you quietly judge me). This would really work to my advantage if I ever found myself in this position:
Girl: Are you really watching another basketball game tonight!?
Me: Baby, that’s why God created NBA League Pass.
Girl: What about me!? What about what I want to watch?
Me: I’ll make a deal with you. For every NBA game that I watch, we can watch one of your chick-flick love stories together?
Girl: Um, really!? You would actually do that?
Me: Ordinarily, no… but for you, absolutely. Not everything in this relationship has to be about me.
Girl: OMG, you’re the best!
One of the most enjoyable love stories I have seen is 500 Days of Summer (if you haven’t seen it, you really should). About two-thirds of the way through the film, there is a brilliant scene that perfectly illustrates exactly why we are all frustrated with the recent play of the Lakers:
Reality vs. Expectation.
Most of us secretly (or not-so-secretly) thought the Lakers would do the NBA schedule like Jason Voorhes does Spring Break. Of course, we weren’t alone in our observations. Reggie Miller predicted the Lakers would start the season at 20-1. Kenny Smith expected a healthy Lakers team to challenge the ’96 Chicago Bulls regular season wins record (72-10). 8/10 NBA.com analysts and 19/20 ESPN.com analysts picked the Lakers to run away with the West.
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Merry Christmas, Lakers Nation!
Don’t forget to send in your questions and/or comments for January’s Out of Bounds Mailbag! (via e-mail, tweet or the form below)
To be entered in the AXE Hair contest, messages must be received by 11:59pm tonight! The person with the most creative question or comment will receive the grand-prize – a $25 Visa Gift Card and an AXE Hair Prize Package. Four (4) other winners will be selected at random to win great hair products and prizes.
Have a wonderful Christmas, and go Lakers!
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It’s been a crazy week in the world of sports. A superstar athlete cheated on his wife? Are you serious? That’s as surprising as Rasheed leading the league in T’s (again) with 10 after tonight’s mini-tantrum (the highlight of my night). I really am trying hard to avoid writing a column about Tiger Woods. I think the best way to do that is to kick off my random thoughts by talking about the real player of the decade, Kobe Bryant.
Kobe Bryant.
It’s hard to find words that fully illustrate the greatness of Kobe Bryant. After much deliberation, (and the elimination of several lifeless analogies) I have decided that nothing sums it up better than the remarkable answer to this question:
Which of the following headlines are more newsworthy?
Bryant Misses at the Buzzer, Lakers head to OT in Milwaukee.
Kobe Drains Game-Winner as Time Expires, Lakers Win.
Think about it.
When Kobe missed a potential game-winner at the end of regulation, I was completely floored. It was like eating at Panda Express and not ending up with a mild case of irritable bowel syndrome by the end of the night – it’s happened so many times that you have just come to expect it. When it doesn’t, you’re legitimately shocked.
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Boston-loving sports columnist Bill Simmons’ had a lot to say about Kobe and the Lakers in his latest column. What do you guys think? Is Simmons’ starting to see the light?
Bill on Kobe vs. Shaq:
In the book, I blamed Kobe Bryant for 2004’s breakup with Shaquille O’Neal and wrote that Shaq was a great guy. Last summer, Shaq left his fourth team on bad terms, and we heard rumors that he stole a reality-show idea from then-teammate Steve Nash. This happened right after Kobe won a non-Shaq title as the leader of the 2009 Lakers and even had a couple of successful interactions with teammates. Was Kobe less to blame than we thought? Why was Shaq on the wrong side of so many playoff sweeps and chemistry-gone-wrong situations? Could he have thrived in the Finals without a dominant sidekick like Kobe or Dwyane Wade?
Bill on Kobe:
A big theme of my book is The Secret of winning basketball, something Isiah Thomas explains to me at a topless pool in Las Vegas. (The Secret, in a nutshell: Teams only win titles when their best players forget about statistics, sublimate their own games for the greater good and put their egos on hold.) Another big theme of my book: Kobe Bryant’s inability to grasp The Secret. He wanted to win a title, but only on his terms. That’s what made him the most fascinating player of his generation. In the book, I even spend three pages comparing him to the wolf in Teen Wolf.
Fast-forward to a few weeks ago: A reporter asks Kobe if he still has room to grow as a player. Kobe responds, “I do, I do. I think there’s so much more to understand. A lot of it just has to do with winning. When you first come into the league, you’re trying to prove yourself as an individual, do things to assert yourself and establish yourself. But once you’ve done that, there’s another level to the game that’s more complex than figuring out how to put up big numbers as an individual.” (That’s right, The Secret! He finally gets it! Man, I wish this were in my book.)
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Congrats to Steve Lee for winning a 1-year subscription to SLAM Magazine for his question in last weeks’ Out of Bounds Mailbag!
Keep sending in your questions/comments for next months’ OOB Mailbag! I’ll be giving away some great prizes from AXE Hair for my favorite emails and tweets! Follow AXE Hair on Twitter, or check out their latest Hot Tweeter contest!
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